From grinding to refining – moving from responsibility to recapitulation
Reclaiming Your Identity in the Midlife U-Curve
I’m recovering from surgery this week and I’ve been thinking a lot about how life has unfolded for me these last few years. Midlife is strange. I’m soul tired with the world but so inspired by the individuals who show up in life daily. And somehow, my brain thinks and acts like I’m 17 years old again and the future is pregnant with possibility.
There is a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from maintaining a “Socialized Mind.” For decades, I held the titles—Manager, Coordinator, CFO, the “reliable one.” I wore those roles like a well-tailored suit that eventually started to itch.
I’m 55 now, and I’ve realized that midlife isn’t a crisis; it’s a Recapitulation.
I am returning to the woman I was at twenty—the one with the vinyl records, the defiant questions, and the raw creative fire—but I’m bringing thirty years of “soul compost” back with me. All those years of duty and climbing weren’t a detour; they were the decay necessary to fuel the growth I’m standing in today.
Shedding the “False Self” and the Socialized Mind
In early adulthood, many of us adopt a persona designed for survival and success. By midlife, the energy required to maintain this mask becomes exhausting. People often describe a feeling of “coming home” to the interests, music, and defiant spirit they had at age 20.
I’m no different. Lee Angel was curated out of a need to “make it.” The problem was, I never bothered defining what “making it” looked like for me. Shedding this old narrative was the first step in coming home to myself.
Understanding the U-Curve of Happiness
Economic and psychological research suggests that life satisfaction follows a U-shape:
High: Late teens and 20s.
Low: The “slump” in the 40s (the peak of stress and responsibility).
Rise: A significant upswing in the 50s.
As we climb out of that slump, we reconnect with the optimism and risk-taking nature of our youth, but with the added benefit of wisdom. I’ve witnessed this concept repeatedly—some navigate it with more style and aplomb than others, but the rhythm is universal.
Using Nostalgia for Neuroplasticity
Middle age triggers a reflective cognitive process. Neuroscientists have found that nostalgia isn’t just living in the past; it’s a stabilizing force that builds neuroplasticity. Returning to the music or “vibe” of your young adult years provides a sense of continuity.
For me, it started when the world paused in 2020. Suddenly, my concert budget was the best it had ever been. I remember how live music—whether at Rupp Arena or the once beloved, but now defunct Phone 3 Bar in Richmond, Kentucky—gets inside your chest and lifts you up. To sit still would be to deny the very foundation of who I am. That was when the performative “Lee Angel” shell started to crack.
Selective Investment: The Power of “The Leetta”
In your 20s, you have high energy but low focus. In your 50s, you realize time is finite. This leads to Socioemotional Selectivity—stopping things because you “have to” and starting things because they are you.
For me, it was dusting off my writing. I had to gently explore who I was becoming, protecting her from criticism so she wouldn’t disappear again. I figured out quickly that I didn’t need to worry about the reentry. TheLeetta is a helluva lot tougher than the soft-spoken Lee Angel.
What I’m Doing Now: Legacy Over Likability
I’ve traded the ladder for the land. From my farm here in Kentucky, I am focusing on what I call The Ancestral Seed. Whether I’m digging into the grit of Harlan County folklore in Granny’s Grimoire 13 or sharing the unvarnished truth of being a creator at this age, my goal is the same: Legacy over Likability.
What You Can Expect:
Less Polish, More Dirt: Stories from the “rot”—the ghost stories, family lineage, and Appalachian resilience.
The Return to Self: Leaning into music, strength training, and radical honesty.
The “No”: Reclaiming my time from anything that doesn’t resonate.
The 20-year-old me had the guts to start. The 55-year-old me has the grit to finish.
Join the Return
If you’re tired of the “Socialized Mind” and ready to refine your own legacy, subscribe to the blog. Let’s navigate the U-curve together—with better music and zero apologies.
The Record Player is Spinning: When I need to find my way back to the woman I was before the world told me who to be, I put on 1970s soft rock and let it work. What is the one song or hobby that acts as a ‘time machine’ for you, bringing your youngest, boldest self back to the surface? Let me know in the comments.